can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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