Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
