It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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