I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We named our party play list daddy issues
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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