I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
