Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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