Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
