he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
