More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
