dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
