I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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