Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
