no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
