omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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