He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
