I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
