3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
