my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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