I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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