Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
