watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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