Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
