my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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