he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
