Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
