the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
