I accidentally burped into my bong.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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