At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
