I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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