I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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