I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
