this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
