Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
