Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
