Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
