im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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