Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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