I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize