i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
