You made me cry and you don't even care
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
