Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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