He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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