I cockslap morals
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
