whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
