How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
