We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize