afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
