i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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