I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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