Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
