hell yes lets make some ravioli
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
