so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
