So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
