so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
