mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
