Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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