that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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