A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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