from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
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Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
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