There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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