he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
