What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
