i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
