WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
