you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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